Most days when I’m driving in and out of Manoa Valley, I see this guy walking, sometimes jogging alongside the road. He looks like a local guy, flattop haircut, smart moustache, always wearing the same outfit: black shorts, black shirt and a long-sleeved white-shirt under the black; white socks, black shoes. Most of the time he’s stretching his arms out, like he’s keeping them prepped, warm, ready for action.
And he always has this stern look on his face; and he seems very alert, conscious of everything that’s going on. He seems like the kind of guy you wouldn’t mess with.
I first started running again on July 4th. I wondered if I would run into this guy and what I would do…
Turns out he and I did cross paths; we nodded somberly at each other and instantly I felt this connection, this sense of well-being.
This is the guardian of Manoa.
Now, I’m sure he’s just a man trying to make his way from day-to-day like everyone else. But just seeing him out most days, on patrol, eyes always looking around, I can’t help but imagine that if any danger or threat were to come to this valley, he’d be there.
Four years ago to the day my life was about to change in ways I never imagined.
I boarded the plane in Baltimore, had a six hour delay in Chicago, and at 11ish PM Friday, July 13, 2012, I set foot in Honolulu for the first time in 23 years.
When I was eight years old my family spent our summer vacation here for just shy of two weeks, I think. We landed in Honolulu, spent the night here, then flew to Maui the next day for a few days, then to the Big Island for a few days, then back to Oahu for the last few days before heading back East.
I have a handful of solid memories but mostly just impressions from that trip:
Marveling at the lava flow on Big Island.
Running around a golf course at midnight on Maui and helping bullfrogs learn to fly.
Sparrows flying into the rooftop restaurant on Oahu.
Being afraid that the roof of any of the inter-island Aloha airline planes we rode would come off like it did a few months before.
Chewing sugarcane for the first time.
Watching my first Indiana Jones movie – The Last Crusade – at a drive-in movie theater.
Marveling at the hula ladies…
Even then I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something magical about this place.
Twenty-seven years later, after four years of living here I still can’t.
The Aloha Spirit.
The verdant landscape.
The very earth itself brimming with life and vitality.
There’s just something magical, mystical; old yet fresh about this place.
While I’m not a fan of the population density on Oahu, I always feel like I’m back home whenever I return from a trip somewhere else (with the exception of The Big Island – I always feel like I’m going back home whenever I visit there).
Four years ago today, I had no idea what I was getting myself into; what with my assignment at a joint command, my first duty station usually reserved for no lower than E-5s, maybe an E-4 soon to be promoted, yet there I was, an E-3.
And little did I know how much of the world I was about to see.
I thought boot camp and “A” School busted open my worldview…
Cumulatively six months in Southeast Asia and the South Pacific.
A month and some change in Europe and then a couple months on a couple glaciers.
I feel as though I’ve certainly aged, but I also feel as though I’ve gotten a little younger somehow…
Started making real-life grown-up decisions on my own, being as far away as one can be from friends and family before you start going back around.
Knowing what I know now there are some things I wouldn’t have done, but I don’t really regret anything. It all goes into that worldview I was talking about before.
I’ve learned not to grasp things too tightly for too long, so I’ve learned to cherish the present moments even more.
Entering the service and giving up many freedoms have helped me appreciate and value freedom even more; I feel more a free man than I ever have.
I met my wife and my kid was born here.
Where will I be in four more years? No clue.
Probably still around. Maybe about to head elsewhere; who knows?
Until then I just keep doing what I do everyday: take it one day at a time.
The short film is a goofy little comedy I wrote, directed, and am still producing. It’s these three guys playing D&D who then accidentally summon an actual golem when using what they think is a crazy rare edition of the Monster Manual.
My original goal for it was to enter it into the MyRodeReel online film contest, but that fell through when I couldn’t get it done in enough time. That’s fine, because the main stipulation for the contest was to enter a film which would be under three minutes in length. The material I’m working with is going to be a bit longer than that…
It was a lot of fun to shoot. I got the cast and crew together for one afternoon/night of shooting. I do wish I’d taken a little more time, but the location was only available for a very limited time…though reshoots aren’t totally out of the question…I dunno; I’m just ready to have it done. We’ll see what the story requires.
13-part novel series – The Baker’s Dozen! If you know me at all outside of this blog you know I’ve been working at working on this thing for a while now. It’s still hot in my brain and I’ve started gathering all my notes and whatnot and trying to organize it. I’m also trying to get all this other stuff done so I can attack it as unfettered as possible.
Father’s Day was nice. Being a father to an almost-two-month-old makes me feel as though I barely qualify (especially considering how grumpy I can be at 2AM changing a diaper) but, still. Jenn okayed the purchase of a 48” TV that was on sale at the BX and got me a bottle of my (and hers) favorite wine (which we thought was discontinued but miraculously reappeared at the Diamondhead Market) as well as some delicious gourmet chocolates.
This morning I slept through my alarm and missed my new workout time with my good buddy Josh (who also stars as the titular character in The Golem’s Curse) but managed to eventually make it out to the gym on my own and now here I am at Starbucks blogging my eyes out.
I had in mind to try and talk about some heavy spiritual or social issue stuff, but I don’t really feel like it right now. However, I am a little overdue for a blog posting, so I guess this is just one of those “day-in-the-life” posts, or a “here’s what’s up with me” thing.
Just trying to carve out time for stuff like this is a challenge, but I’m getting there.
*NOT AN OFFICIAL SPOKESPERSON FOR THE DOD, DON, OR ANYONE EXCEPT THE STAFF OF THECLIFFBAILEY.COM WHICH IS THE CLIFF BAILEY OF HONOLULU
This is the tipping point, usually, where I’ve started a blog, pump out a handful of decent posts, then futz out.
Well, it’s about telling stories.
The last post is the video story of Jenny’s and my trip to the Big Island last summer. It was a lot of fun and I tried to convey that in the editing of the footage. If you haven’t already, check it out.
And then the preceding posts have been stories about our son, Nightstorm. I don’t feel like there’s much to say there in the way of interesting blog posts, suffice to say we’re still battling the wretched rash of his poor heinous anus (and I think we’re winning), and that he’s freaking huge compared to the size he was when he was born. I mean, geez. He eats, sleeps, poops/pees, repeat.
I think he’s starting to make eye contact now, though, and each day we’re learning a little more of his personality.
Jenn and I are trying to figure out how to make him join our program and not make everything all about him.
I mean, he’s a helpless little squirt, but he’s almost a month old now. Regardless of whether we’re starting to train him in certain behaviors, I think it’s good for us to start communicating with him now as we will when he’s a year old, two years, seven years, 18, and on and on and on. Sometimes it seems as though he’s testing us with little cries to see how fast one of us responds.
From the previous Storm-centric posts there has been much improvement. For me, in the aforementioned attitude shift, and we’ve had a few more visitors which I think has improved Jenn’s morale; not to mention that we’re learning ol’ Stormy better, too.
It would seem that every time something new surfaces which alarms either, if not both, of us, it’s something completely normal for newborns and infants. I’m also convinced that a significant amount of pediatrician visits are more for the parents’ state of mind than anything having physiologically to do with the baby.
So now, when something happens, we don’t immediately freak out; we google it, check multiple sources, and go from there. It’s a real mind over matter thing. Watching your progeny experience apparent distress and possible trauma only to find out its gas and all newborns deal with it for a while as their intestines figure out how to work. He may scream and wail, but unless other indicators are present, all you have to do is try and soothe him. Could be gas relief drops do the trick, or the sound of a running faucet, or holding him in a different position.
And to learn that the heinous anus isn’t uncommon was something of a relief, too.
Really, a lot of it is learning that we’re not the only ones who’ve gone through this stuff. I mean, humanity has teemed with staggering numbers for millennia before now, so of course we’re not the only ones; but it’s the specifics of the challenges we face, hearing from a friend how they went through the same thing; or reading an article or messages in a mommy forum, seeing them describe, word-for-word, how you’ve described your own child’s situation. Were it not comforting it’d be freakin’ eerie.
When you feel like you’re the only one facing something, when you feel isolated and all alone, that’s when despair and depression can set in. Whether you’re one of two new parents (or a single one for that matter), recovering from a drug addiction, or just trying to make it through the workday in a toxic environment.
It’s this incalculable value in community I’ve seen demonstrated time and again, moreso ever since leaving North Carolina, my home, six years ago. Cary will always hold special place in my heart, but now Hawaii is my home. It’s not just where Jenn and I hang our hats; it’s the friendships we’ve established here and the family she has that I’m a part of now.
Before I met Jenn, I never imagined I’d want to call Oahu home. It’s too crowded, traffic sucks, and everything is so freakin’ expensive (especially real estate). But then we met, we fell in love, and I’ve found that I miss this place whenever I travel elsewhere. We are considering relocation in the next few years, but we’ll see where we are as a family by then.
Huh – look at that. A blog post did manage to come out.
A couple other things I want to touch on…pursuing my dream of being a content creator; last summer I started up my production company and gave it a real go. Had a paying client and everything.
As you might imagine, though it worked, it wasn’t smooth at all. Many times I considered throwing in the towel. However, do you know that thing about when people tell you that if you quit something you wanted and the desire keeps coming back then it’s probably something you should pursue anyway? That’s what keeps happening here.
I keep coming back to producing videos, to writing, to filmmaking. I can now, truly say from experience, that failure is good – failure is great!
I delineated a ton of lessons from the experiences of my initial venture and am applying them now to PHAZON MEDIA! I did a lot of things right with The Bailey Adventure, but a lot of things wrong, too; things I wouldn’t have thought of had I not even tried it. So I tried it, succeeded on a level, failed on another, picked up the pieces and here we go again, a little wiser, a little braver, a little more daring.
Shucks, if it weren’t for all failures in my life I never would have moved to Ohio, gotten dumped, enlisted in the Navy*, wound up in Hawaii, and three years later be in a happy marriage with an adorable baby!
And each day still has a healthy amount of failures! Sometimes I cuss and fuss, but I always take time afterward to reflect and learn. I learn how to better communicate with Jenn; I learn how thoughtless I can be and then how I can be more thoughtful. I learn the veracity of the saying: “Bees are attracted to honey, not vinegar.” I learn to let love guide my actions more often than fear and suddenly the world seems a little less nasty; always broken and busted, but less nasty and a wee bit more beautiful.
So, in addition to learning how to husband and dad, I’m learning how to get my business going; I’m learning more about the creative process, about the daily life process. I learn to value and love my wife more as she believes I can handle all of this and I’m blown away when she lets me sleep through the night so I can be better prepared for my physical fitness test, or go off on some Saturday afternoon (today) not just to get the car looked at, but also to catch up on my writing. Not only that, but her willingness to go along with my decision to leave a secure job in the Navy to go back to school to pursue my lifelong dream of writing and filmmaking.
Okay – I’m rambling here, but I can never run out of ways to express how I love my wife. She ain’t perfect, far from a paragon of any kind, but dadgum, she’s perfect for me; somehow she thinks I’m perfect for her, too.
*still not an official spokesperson for the U.S. Navy, Dept. of the Navy, Dept. of the Defense, and all opinions and such don’t reflect them, etc.
In the summer of 2015 (almost a year ago!), my wife and I took a trip to one of our favorite places: THE BIG ISLAND. Everyday we went on an adventure, exploring that wonderful place, but we didn’t use any GPS while en route. We planned beforehand and then used MAPS – how ’bout dat? Please enjoy this little production of our fun times!